Posted on November 12th, 2012
Marriage changes people.
The changes aren’t all immediate, nor are they necessarily visible on the surface. But differences between you that haven’t been brought out into the open and talked through can have a strong and long-lasting effect on the quality of your lives together.
Differences which don’t matter that much when you are dating or even living together can become much more serious when you’re with a person for life. Attitudes and expectations around money, careers and ambition, having children, sex, religion, family involvement, where you want to live, how to spend your free time—all of these have the potential for difficult, long-term conflict.
Your wedding itself is bound to bring up conflicts. Planning a wedding which satisfies the visions and needs of both of you (and often those of people close to you) can put a definite strain on your relationship. If there seems to be no strain, because one of you is always going along with the other one, that ought to be a danger sign in itself–since this usually means only that the conflicts have gone underground.
Conflict is an inevitable and often difficult part of having a relationship, and the first year of being married is often one of the hardest years. Pre-marital counseling can help in two ways. First, it can assist you in addressing some of the conflicts you are already having and in getting a head start on issues likely to come up once you are married. Second, through this counseling you can learn productive ways of working out conflicts with each other, so that when you are married and new conflicts arise, you have developed good skills for dealing with them.
Posted in Marriage and Couples