Our primary relationships are by their nature very complex, and yet we usually live in them as though they are simple. The result is that many levels of need, desire, expectation and conflict can be played out in relationship, without a great deal of awareness. This lack of awareness limits the opportunity for experiencing the deep satisfaction and love possible in any conscious, close relationship.
Difficulties in relationship often seem to arise from nowhere and can feel impenetrable and unchangeable. The frustration and/or sense of being trapped which result can produce a great deal of fear, sadness, or anger. These emotions then can seem to take on a life of their own, becoming the dominant mode of relating. Or in trying to avoid these emotions, the relationship can become a relatively emotionless taking care of household duties.
One way forward from this impasse lies through increasing awareness. By opening up your awareness of your own experience and that of your partner, you can understand what is going on between you in a new and powerful way which will greatly expand your options for action. This can result in being able to transform feelings of powerlessness into an experience of fulfillment.
Whether the impasse you are at results from an unconscious carrying over of patterns from early life, conflicts between how you are living and who you are, or conflicts between your needs and the needs of others, increased awareness builds the ground for moving beyond stuck places.
In addition to responding to the particular problems or issues which may bring you to couples counseling, the emphasis in our work is to provide you with tools you can use throughout the life of your relationship. These tools include being able to:
- Listen more accurately to each other’s communication
- Communicate what you have to say in ways your partner will be able to hear
- Know clearly what you want from each other, and have clear agreements about how to get it
- Resolve conflicts as well as increase your tolerance for conflicts not yet resolved
The interactions resulting from the effective use of these tools are a rich experience of relationship contributing to fulfillment in life. Rather than being experienced as a limitation, your relationship becomes a way to further your growth.
To begin the process by scheduling an initial meeting, send me an email message or call me at 207-773-4413.